6 Steps to Improve Couples’ Communication

According to most researchers studying difficulties in marriages and relationships, communication failures are the most common reason for breakups and divorces. When communication between the partners falters or stops, then the negative feelings begin to take center stage.

In fact, if you think about it, why are we married or together? Isn’t the main goal to have interaction, to be able to do things jointly, and to be able to share our lives?

If we start having problems with issues, then it can become very difficult to be able to talk over even daily plans. When couples are having great difficulties, one simple step you can use is to have a daily planning session in the morning before you start your days. Such a session is usually short (like five minutes or less) and is more businesslike than not.

Six more steps that can assist you to improve your communication are:

1 – Start with the points you share

Instead of trying to tackle tough problems, begin with the reasons you are together and what you are hoping to achieve in the future.

2 – Seek mutual understanding

It is very easy to believe we are right and they are wrong. You must first begin to accept that your partner acts as they do because they “feel” it is right for them. In fact, in most relationships, there is almost never a “right” way. Instead, begin by asking them to explain why they have acted as they have. Then summarize (not defend) why you see it your way.

3 – No, the best defense is not a strong offense

One of the major issues in couples’ communication difficulties is the frequent need to defend our position (usually strongly). You must remember what you goal is. Your goal should not be to win the argument. This implies that you do not need to defend your actions or take offense at your partner’s comments or views.

4 – Clarify your position

Remember, your goal is to find common points so you can improve your relationship. Explain your actions in terms of how you believed they would make things better rather than worse. Describe your feelings, your doubts, and your worries. Try to be direct and don’t presume that “they” should get it because you have been together for a long time.

5 – Work to develop a plan

Once the two of you are talking, then seek from them what they believe should be the next steps or what might be done to make things better for the two of you. Developing a simple plan of action, so that both can demonstrate their commitment, is a great way to provide a feeling of improvement for the partners.

6 – Make frequent discussion and problem identification a priority

While communication difficulties are often cited as a primary reason for couples’ difficulties, resolving problems and issues within the couple typically is the second cause. When an issue is identified, seek not just one solution but multiple solutions. Each partner should put forth several ways the problem can be resolved. Then, the two should either identify the best solution or alter one of the solutions to fit.