4 Steps to Erase Your Self-Doubts

Having watched my children grow up and listening to people nearly every day, I feel that we come into life with self-doubts. Self-doubts are defined by Webster’s dictionary as lack of confidence or faith in oneself.

While this is a good definition, I feel that the definition lacks one important thing. Self-doubts are not general. That is, we usually have the doubts in specific areas. For example, I’ve come across students who doubt their reading ability but not their math ability. I have met individuals who have doubts about their bodies but not about their academic skills. I have also met many individuals who doubt that their intimate partners are trust worthy.

Your doubts are very specific to you. You have your doubts in areas in which others don’t have doubts. I’ve also noted that our doubts tend to become stronger or more prominent as we get older (probably due to the loss of major hormones over time).

The major point is that our self-doubts are probably genetic in their general make up and then expanded or reduced depending on our personal histories. A person, who has a self-doubt about trust with intimates, might not feel this doubt if they never have this experience. Likewise, some doubts are so powerful that the individual has them with or without personal experience to activate the doubt.

With this in mind, what can you do to erase your doubts?

1 – Become aware that you are the source

Often, we like to blame our mothers, fathers, girlfriends, teachers or any one for our doubts. Instead, try to recognize which doubts you have. If you become aware that you don’t trust, that you believe you are a poor student, that people take advantage of you, then you can begin to erase this doubt.

2 – Remember the Big 7

Having been raised as a Catholic, I become aware of the seven big sins. They are: wrath (anger), greed, sloth (laziness), pride, lust, envy, and gluttony. While these seven are by no means all the types of doubts people have, they provide a way of evaluating our own lacks in confidence. In addition, anxiety or worry should be added to this list. What these eight or nine areas provide is a tool we can use every day for recognizing when our self-doubts are at work.

3 – Don’t wait for the fire

One problem we tend to have is that if we notice something isn’t quite right, we don’t like to rock the boat by bringing it up. In so many words, we might notice that we are being envious, but rather than dealing with that emotion at that moment, we put it off. Instead, we begin desiring or coveting the item. Likewise, if you want a new car, it makes more sense to begin saving for it rather than having feelings you are “less than” because you don’t have it; or, equally as difficult, we can act negatively toward the person who owns the car.

4 – Erase those doubts or fears

Hopefully, now we are more aware of your own self-doubts. How then can you erase them? A simple solution is to develop a plan for overcoming them. For example, if you are afraid of speaking up at meetings, your plan would include joining Toastmasters, joining groups and speaking up, reading books on the topic and working to reduce your doubt. A simple plan erases our doubts because we begin working on it step by step until we reach the point where it no longer is problematic.