Stress has become the watchword for most adults today. In many ways, workers today faced increasing demands and have diminishing control over their working lives. With businesses cutting back, workers, at all levels, have found themselves doing more than ever before.

In addition, children are being involved in a greater number of activities. Presently, not only are children responsible for homework, they are often going to some activity every day of the week. This implies mounting stress for both children and adults.

In fact, weight gain has been connected repeatedly to stress. You just need to look around you to see that we are getting bigger all the time.

There are four steps that you can implement today to help cope with these increased pressures.

1 – Reduce your information overload

Reduce the number of e-mails you get outside of work; don’t read every piece of junk mail that comes in or look up the Direct Mail Preference Service to control what you receive; or use spam and e-mail filters. Instead, take the extra time generated by stopping junk information and use it to meditate, exercise, plan your life, or implement your plan.

2 – The power of “no”

Learn to control your time by saying “no” to various demands. At the same time, learn to set limits on time wasters. Focus on your goals you have and work toward them. Certainly, helping others is wonderful, but it is important to work on those things you feel are essential for you. You must allow yourself time to be human and to enjoy the wonders of our lives.

3 – Limit television

The average TV set is on for nearly seven hours per day! Forty-nine percent of adults say they watch too much TV. American children have a shortage of Vitamin D because they are in front of a TV set. Have you notice the obesity problem in the US and Europe? Certainly seven hours in front of a TV could be a primary cause.

4 – Get off the computer

Though computers have become a method of staying connected to others, more often computing time appears to be excessive game playing or watching sexually explicit pornography. Addiction to games and pornography have become major problems. Excessive computer usage can lead to insomnia due to the attentional demands. Instead, get off the machine and go for a walk.

These steps, though simple, are typically very hard to implement. To change, start slowly and implement your plan over time. Like weight loss, long term, small changes lead to an improved life.

Life is definitely full of challenges. If we are overcome by such challenges, we can fall into depression and despair. If we can cope with life’s trials, we develop greater skills in facing life.

The issue, then, is how you can develop your skills to cope with the demands of life and, by overcoming them, strengthen your self-confidence, self-esteem and assuredness.

How individuals cope successfully with life’s pressures has been studied extensively for nearly three decades. From these studies, several skills have been identified that lead to effective management of life’s trails. If you are proficient in them, you flourish; if not, you are likely to crumble.

1 – Being very aware of a changing environment.

Has the leadership at your work changed? Has one of your children changed in the last few weeks? Is your relationship with your loved one as good as it was? Each of these changes implies that we need to be very aware of our environments and attempt to adjust to them as quickly as possible. Only about 25% of adults quickly notice differences around them. Are you one of them?

2 – Are you in the present?

Too often, we can spend too much time thinking about what happened to us or what we believe will happen. Instead, work to focus on what is occurring around you at this moment. Yes, we have to plan for the future but our goal is to appreciate and enjoy what is happening as we live.

3 – Being emotionally nimble.

Being emotionally nimble implies that we adjust our emotions to the situation we are in rather than responding to what we think may happen. Remember 98% of what we fret about never happens.

4 – Having a wait-and-see attitude.

Instead of feeling that you know what is going to happen, you need to take a wait-and-see attitude. Most often, everything the pundits predict just doesn’t happen as they say. Instead, understand that you can cope with your life and, most likely, come out ahead.

5 – Don’t overgeneralize and don’t overreact.

One of our problems is that, if something goes wrong, we often that this is a sign that everything is going to go wrong. Instead, note all the areas where things are going right in your life. Take a step back, a deep breath, and realize that you can’t predict the future based on a few incidents.

6 – Stop worrying about an unknown future or the “good ole times.”

It seems sad that some individuals continue compare life today as it was in high school. They live “back then,” whether it be high school, or when they lived with their ex, or anytime. Or, they are continually worrying the sky is going to fall. Instead

7 – Live now!

Enjoy every moment possible. Learn to appreciate a clear or cloudy sky, rain or drought. Today is all we have so stay in the present and live your life to its fullest.

We, as individuals, often work for someone else. In fact, according to the U. S. Census Bureau’s 2002Survey of Business Owners, self-employed individuals who have no paid employees operate three-fourths of U.S. businesses. The U. S. Small Business Administration reports that America’s 25.8 million small businesses employ more than 50 percent of the private workforce, generate more than half of the nation’s gross domestic product, and are the principal source of new jobs in the U.S. economy. In fact, the greatest number of small business owners is under 35 years of age.

But, simple math would indicate that less than 10 percent of all adults operate their own business (25.8 million small business owners divided by the US population of 300 million).

Again, this means that the vast majority of people are working for someone else. However, to move yourself into a position where you can achieve your goals, you will need three main efforts.

1 – Autonomy

Most of the small business owners prize autonomy. Me, too. I worked for someone else for nearly 20 years and then went to work for myself. Yes, the old job had its advantages but being the captain of my own ship was very important to me.

However, you may not be willing to start your own business. Why would you? Nearly 95% of all small businesses fail. You can, with some thought, develop autonomy in your current work environment. Maybe, though, your work environment does not encourage autonomy. Think, then, of moving on. Having autonomy in your work routine provides strong motivation to do your best job and feel good about yourself.

2 – Mastery

Pablo Casals, a famous cellist and conductor, was noted to be practicing for three to five hours a day when he was 85 years of age. When asked, he noted that he was working to become a better cellist, though he had been a noted performer since 14 years of age. He clearly was working to be better and to master his craft.

Mastery brings pride and effort. But, mastery is drudgery, hard work and hours trying to become good. A good example is The Beatles, the life altering band of the 60s and 70s. Prior to fame though, they worked eight to ten hours a day playing in a bar in Germany. They spent countless hours mastering their skills.

Mastery, though, is it own reward. Just go to most beaches on any weekend and watch the surfers of all ages, working to master their skills, no matter the quality of the surf.

Search for an area that you want to master to reinvigorate your life and to lead you to success with your goals.

3 – Purpose

Why are you here on this earth? What is your purpose? I learned my purpose about 20 years ago. It was simple – to help individuals who need greater direction in their lives. On learning this, I moved into becoming a licensed psychologist and tried to make my life follow this purpose.

Yet, you, like me, can have more than one purpose. I also have put hours into making myself economically independent, in being a good father, in keeping my body in good physical shape, in maintaining my cognitive capacities, in being a good husband, in building and constructing and in a few other areas.

Each of these areas gives me purpose and provides an answer, for me, to the first question I posed.

It is essential that you seek your purpose(s) and work to make them come alive in your life. If you do so, you will feel much better about yourself and you will live longer.

A few years ago, one of my friends, oddly named Mouse, given how tall he is, was doing me a favor at my house. Mouse, who then was 75 years of age, had just won his fifth or sixth National Life Guard Championship for his age bracket.

At that time, Mouse had more muscles than the average bear. No, he hadn’t gone through any muscle replants and was not getting $1000 shots of Humane Growth Hormone (HGH) to keep his muscles big. Yes, he was putting in a reasonable amount of time exercising every day. This meant about five miles of open ocean surf paddling plus running on the beach if the surf was not very good.

Now, you may ask, what has Mouse’s physical condition at age 75 got to do with my keeping at the top my game, even though I am many years younger?

Simple, Mouse provided us all with a simple model that we can all follow.

1 – Keep your eye focused on the goal

Mouse decided at a late age (like 70 years old) that he wanted to win the National Life Guard Championship  Then, he began doing adequate work to attain his goal. The same rule applies to you. Decide on your goal and then work on it on a daily basis.

This is the same approach that our family friend Rudy has used for years to acquire over $20 million in real estate despite not having any extended educational experience (except doing deals). He is also over 75 years of age (yes, I know a lot of old dudes because I am one) and works daily on his goal of purchasing more property.

2 – Put in the time

Both Mouse and Rudy make it a daily ritual to put in the time that expands their chances of reaching their goals. The same applies to almost any endeavor that you will undertake.

I routinely work nearly 6 or 7 days a week to continue the expansion of my dreams and desires. I think my tenants believe I am a “rich” person but they don’t work nearly as much as I do.

3 – Work on your long game

Too many people want to have it all now. So do I but I realize that being that successful is not likely to happen in the short term. Instead, I plan on taking an extended period to achieve my goals.

For example, to date, I have weathered three or four recessions while maintaining the investments I had prior to the recessions. I have also seen my investments continue increase across these years.

If you keep these three rules in mind, you will achieve your goals too.

Our feelings of self-confidence are dependent on our actions. You and I do not become stronger by hoping or wishing for a stronger self. No, instead, you have to take several steps to strengthen your self-confidence.

To feel stronger, though, you have to weed out your negative or self-critical thoughts. Such thoughts quickly come to mind at any time and are like desert plants, which don’t need much water. Negative thoughts, likewise, need but a mere wisp of remembrance of them and, voila, a huge garden of barbed and wicked thoughts emerges.

There are four steps you can take today, though, to assist yourself in being more positive tomorrow.

1 – Start categorizing your thoughts

Cognitive therapists have clarified that we all have, generally, two types of thoughts: catastrophes and overgeneralizations. In catastrophes, we begin to anticipate that the only possible outcome for our actions is very negative.

In overgeneralizations, we tend to focus on one of our characteristic and over generalize the outcome. As a young person, you may have experience an overgeneralization when you believed everyone saw the zit on your face. Well, maybe somebody noticed, but most people just didn’t notice. However, you probably went overboard to either avoid school, your friends or used a boatload of Mr. X Acne Cure or some other product.

Instead, as we have negative thoughts, we need to categorize them and then resist them.

2 – Seeing only the trees for the forest

One of the problems with our minds (I know there are plenty) is that our minds have been developed to help us survive in very primitive environments. Certainly, there are plenty of places like that in the world today but just not on your block. However, this mechanism leads us to anticipate all the negative outcomes. Yet, if you think only of the negative, then you can become overwhelmed and depressed. Instead, recognize that you are reviewing only the negatives and find the multitude of positives that exist in your situation.

3 – Using your crystal ball too much

Yes, we are also very good at guessing what is going to happen in the future. Making such guesses about what may happen leads us again into negative ideas. Instead, recognize that you are fortune telling and that you, as I, are lousy at this. In fact, over 98% of your guesses will be wrong.

4 – I know what you are thinking

No, I don’t, but we often believe we know what the other person is thinking. Sorry, Charlie, even trained psychologists and psychiatrists don’t know that, even if they use an MRI. Instead, most often we anticipate by our guesses of what he/she is thinking. Instead, it is much better to force ourselves to remember how our friend or partner has acted in the past and use their past behavior to estimate their future behavior.

One of the most precious characteristics we have is our ability to think, imagine and enjoy life. A head trauma or illness can take this away. And, losing one’s marbles as one ages is also a major concern as we become older.

Maintenance of your cognitive capabilities can be built into your daily routine without too much difficulty. As Andrew Newberg, MD, recommends, there are several simple steps you can implement daily.

1 – Laugh

Enjoyment and laughter are great brain stimulators. To make you laugh more, you can listen to the recorded laughs at http://www.psy.vanderbilt.edu/faculty/bachorowski/laugh.htm. You can also watch funny movies, clips on YouTube, or read humorous books and jokes.

2 – Maintain your intellectual activity

This point is basically, “Use it or lose it.” Cognitive deterioration is most often due to lack of use of the frontal areas of the brain, i.e., higher levels of thinking. Chess or other equally demanding games are great, particularly the faster you can make yourself play. Solve demanding problems, do crossword puzzles, it doesn’t matter. Use what you have to make the brain maintain and, with greater demands, expand.

3 – Don’t burn out the dendrites

What? Don’t burn out my dendrites? What are you talking about? I am really trying to point out that stress and anger are very negative for our cognitive functioning. Instead, relax, join yoga, do meditation, and find time to enjoy. A relaxed mind is a healthier mind.

4 – Beautiful, beautiful music

Listen to music that not only interests you but also calms and relaxes you. In fact, the supporters of soft jazz have done studies that show the reduction of various “negative” neurochemicals when you listen to their type of music. Why wouldn’t that happen to a sonata or concerto? Most likely it would. Furthermore, music has been shown to improve the academic performances of children. Guess what it can do for you, higher cognitive function!

5 – Get that body moving

Exercise and aerobic exercise in particular is extremely good for our intellectual abilities. How much is necessary? The amount recommended is at least four times per week for 30 minutes of moderate (can’t talk while a walk) walking. Or, at least three times per week for 20 minutes of intense exercise (bicycle riding, weights or rubber bands, running, rowing machines, etc). There is extensive research that supports aerobic exercise as being good for your brain.

6 – Expand your social network

Having extended involvement with friends and family leads us into dialogues. Using speech is probably the highest demand made on the brain. So, being involved with others not only strengthens our social networks and our feelings of support, it also forces us to speak and think more.

7 – Spiritual Involvement

Spiritual involvement, whether in an identified religious group or other spiritual activities, leads to increased faith about life, God and the world. Faith expands feelings of hope, optimism and the belief that a more wonderful life will be happening in the future.

These feelings help us cope with the pressures of life, renew our energies, and allow the brain to function more effectively. In addition, there is extensive research that faith is extremely important to our overall functioning

The US and most developed countries are in the middle of an obesity epidemic. At present over a third of all adults are obese. While obesity is a problem for health in general, the real issue for an aging population is maintaining one’s intellectual capacities.

There is no doubt that you and I want to maintain our mental capacities as we age. Yet, the high rate of obesity suggests that we are eating instead of exercising.

Regular exercise habits are essential for aging gracefully. Exercise strengthens the heart, the lungs, your muscles and raises your metabolic rate. More importantly, exercise helps maintain and strengthen cognitive functioning. According to Dr. Joffe at UCSF, every extra mile walked each week reduces the chances of cognitive decline by 13%.

How much exercise do you need? According to the The Centers for Disease Control, adults need at least five days a week of moderate exercise for thirty minutes or intense exercise for three or more days per week.

Despite this recommendation, too many adults are sitting on their backside too long. There are several steps that you can use to change this.

1 – Plan your daily exercise.

I try to walk the dogs and ride my bike in the morning daily before I go to work.

2 – Slowly extend exercise periods

Don’t be a weekend warrior. Start at a level you can handle easily and slowly expand the time exercising.

3 – Use your breaks well

Why is it okay for cigarette smokers to take a “smoke” break while you labor in your cubicle? Instead, use five or ten minutes every hour to talk a walk around the office, outside or up and down stairs. Spend part of your lunch walking or exercising. These daily activities will increase your conditioning quickly and easily.

4 – Monitor your changes

Measure the time exercised, your weight loss, or the number of reps completed. Continue to force your body to do more and more as your body responds to your pressures.

5 – Multi-task

While we really can’t multi-task, we can be listening to a book on CD or other equally relevant topic while we exercise. Use the time not only to strengthen your body but to strengthen your mind.

6 – Cross train

It’s too easy to get caught up in one exercise and forget about the other muscles you have. Try to change the type of exercise you do every other day. This gives the muscles time to recover and develops better conditioning overall.

Our minds are interesting. Our feelings of happiness, joy and care are quickly replaced by worries and fears due to our wiring. We are not made to be continually happy; instead, we spend much of time focused on the negative things that might happen.

In fact, research has confirmed that 98% of the negative thoughts we ponder never occur.

These negative thoughts are present as a survival mechanism. Throughout the world today, as I write, there are people whose skill at constantly looking for food and water allows them to survive. If you were in any of the tsunamis of the 1990s, you would quickly appreciate your ability to hunt and find food and water. If you are or were in any of the war torn regions of the world, this basic protective skill would make you happy.

The difficulty arises for those of us who are living in relative comfort, with adequate food, water and shelter. In this situation, our minds continue to try to protect us by a frequent, constant barrage of negative possibilities that “could” or “might” exist.

These negative or protective thoughts, though, cause our mind to react “as if” what we thought about is true. This means our bodies are directed to take physiological action to protect us. The most telling of such responses is that of anger. While anger can be very necessary and protective, if we are angry excessively, then our bodies age rapidly.

The steps to protect ourselves from negative thoughts are:

1 – Don’t allow yourself to interact with negative thoughts

If we allow negative or involving thoughts to cascade through our minds, our emotions get into a knot and it is very hard to get control of them.

2 – Actively resist negative thoughts

Instead of interacting with such thoughts, resist them. Recognize that thoughts are only that. Identify the type of thought (catastrophic thought for example) and then note how inaccurate you have been in the past with such predictions (my son says occasionally, “I’m going to be fired today.” So far, that has not happened.). Alternatively, look up cognitive therapy and learn how to use it.

3 – Identify the recurrent themes in your thoughts

I frequently worry about money even though I have adequate funds to cover my bills. In other words, I have money themes. Others have worries about being socially accepted, about keeping up with the Joneses, etc. Work to know what you frequently focus on in your worries.

4 – Develop a plan to address the issue

Often, we can reduce the strength of these thoughts by developing simple plans to rectify whatever is wrong. For money, you can put yourself on a very strict budget and fix your money problems over time. For fear of public speaking, you can join Toastmasters. The real goal is to create a simple plan and then use it.

5 – Replace your worries with steps completed

Once your plan is created, instead of worrying or allowing the negative thoughts to pervade your day, as you implement your plan, note how much you have accomplished. One of my plans of the past took me nine months to implement. I would stop my worries by reviewing my plan, figure out how I could accomplish the next step, and then go do that step.

6 – Recognize your gains

I use a scale to assist me in my weight goals. Though I am a backslider with my weight, I congratulate myself whenever I lose weight during the week and have planned a long term goal if I reach it. If you can change only one thing every day, you should give yourself a pat on your back.

Frequently, we feel overwhelmed and underappreciated. Every day, it seems that many people around us are living the “Life of Riley” while we are just one more pawn in the struggle of life.

To eliminate such feelings, one would need to work on developing their personal power on a daily basis. Personal power, somewhat like your muscles, cannot be neglected or it will begin to wane just as the muscles loose strength without daily exercise.

Personal power has been defined as the influence that you hold over others, which is based on your personal qualities rather than in holding a position of power. It is a quality that can be developed if you are willing to put in the effort.

One teacher that I know had tremendous personal power. When she identified an area that would help the children in her school, she could influence the other 70 teachers to participate in implementing this program. Wow!

You too can develop your power base to change and influence others. These five steps can help you move in this direction.

1 – Take on tasks that you usually avoid

Individuals seeking personal power have to be willing to face their fears and move forward. When the opportunity knocks, you need to step up and assume a leadership role. This only happens after you have taken on all the tasks that you currently avoid.

2 – Learn to cope with adversity and difficulties

If you are to influence others, you will have to demonstrate your cool and control when difficult times come. As Dr. Amen has said, “Failure is not fatal.” Begin today by thinking how you would handle the errors and mistakes of your fellow employees. Instead of complaining about the boss, decide how you would come to grips with the demands and pressures of being a boss. Think about the things that you fear and develop strategies to help yourself.

3 – Focus on the positive

Too often, we allow our inner critic to take over. Anyone who is going to develop their personal power can’t go around being a sour puss and always seeming to be upset. Instead, notice the positive contributions you and your fellow workers have made. Complement them on doing a great job, encourage them to try harder, and set the standard for great performance.

4 – Determine your values

To strengthen your personal power, you have to know who you are. Think carefully about your values and stand by them. How often have you seen a boss take a “short cut,” and you felt upset that they didn’t do the “right” thing. Become a paragon for what is important in your life, if that is exercising, recreating or working.

5 – Develop social relationships

You can’t influence others if you only stay in your work cubicle and never go out. Instead, socialize, go to parties and have parties. Involve yourself with those around you and their respect for you will grow.

Happiness, as defined by Wikipedia, is a state of mind or feeling characterized by contentment, love, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy. It can also be defined in terms of living a good life, or flourishing, rather than simply as an emotion.

The feeling of satisfaction, pleasure of joy, though, can be easily stopped by merely a whiff of negative thoughts, reminisces of the past or irritating or bothersome ideas. Since positive thoughts or feelings are so temporary, we often need to work to maintain a certain level of happiness.

However, given its effervescent qualities, being happier is something we work constantly to maintain or to extend. Life does have its ups and downs, so we must strive to handle the negative experiences.

To cope with such situations, there are several things that you can do.

1 – Don’t stay in the dark

One of the truisms of modern psychology is that you can’t change unless you get more information. The more you know about your choices, options and opportunities, the better will your mood be.

2 – Work to be in the driver’s seat

Remember, that at all times, you are choosing to do what you do. Each day, we make the choice to go into the grind of work. You could choose to live in a less expensive area, your line of work, or your life’s goals. Recognizing that we are, in fact, in the driver’s seat increases the perception of happiness because we know that we do have control.

3 – Build your self-esteem

Self-esteem can’t be generated only by saying good things to yourself. Fortunately, mastering skills, learning new information, or working to achieve goals all lead to a stronger sense of self. Also, stifle the Critic in the Box in your head. Negativity does not make your stronger.

4 – Make life enjoyable

Be sure that you build pleasurable activities into your life. Seek to have something each day and each week that you are looking forward to doing. This could be a long walk, visiting friends, doing physical exercise, eliminating things on your to-do list or just hanging out or reading.

5 – Get rid of the baggage

All of us have negative things that can bother us. One strategy for handling such baggage is a daily journal or other similar writing activity. Telling trusted others about these experiences can be a great relief. Don’t keep it, do something to express it and let it go. Once this is done, do your best not to allow yourself to revisit old tragedies.